It was the first time yesterday that I understood what my sis meant when she said that she can be so angry sometimes that her tears will just fall. Not that she wants to but she is just so angry she cries. I almost did...but that was simply because of some insensitive, non-human human insulted me. Seriously, no one has ever said such things about me to me before. I didn't know that someone can be so evil and direct to the point of hurting another person so deeply.
I was talking to a friend on the phone to pour out my woes but it didn't really help cos I was so upset and I felt that I should have slapped that person. But upon second thoughts, why should i dirty my hands? Why should I give that person a chance to report me to the police for physically hurting someone? Nope, I won't be so silly.
At first, I thought we can be normal friends but it's no longer ever possible. I won't hate that person but I probably will take forever to forgive that person for making such cruel comments. I didn't even defend myself there cos I was too shocked that someone can be so blunt. So hurtful, so senseless. I would probably have lost my mind if I were to contact that person again. Who will go contact someone to earn more insults and humiliation? Who will go ask for trouble and unhappiness? No one sane that is. I was walking around aimlessly trying to cool down, taking deep breaths and all but nothing seems to help.
I managed to contact one of my "bros" to come and meet me but that was late, like 10+pm. No choice, he had an appt. I was at The Cookie Museum to have a drink cos tho I felt hungry I didn't know what to eat. Managed to try some very interestingly flavoured cookies. I had chicken rice, yoghurt, rum and raisins, macadamia with white and dark choc, etc. Last time I was there, tried Nasi Lemak, Heh Bee Hiam, rose, lemon and ginger, etc. Then they were closing so I went outdoors. There was a waterfront performance. Some hip hop singers that were actually presenting their original works which were very nice. One of them also gave out free CDs...and I managed to get one. I think they are really talented pple. The DJ is only 15 and he has been working with the singers since 3 years ago..went to 7atenine at Esplanade to wait for my bro and also to drink something and eat something. Tried the mash potatoes...very smooth, very tasty. I like it. Tried the Choya Martini and it's very nice.
Josh came around 1130pm and he ordered the Singapore Sling and 7 islands to try. The Singapore Sling had alot of cherries. The 7 islands tasted very erm...how should I put it, I know the dialect word...siap siap...if you understand that is...haha.
Managed to pour out my troubles to Josh and he was very patient to hear me out. Thank you Bro Josh if you are reading this. I truly appreciate you being there when I needed someone to pour my heart out and be there to support me. I know you are busy and you have your commitments. I also know you were actually thinking of your bed when I was rambling away but I am glad you stayed and ensured that I reached home safely. If not probably today in the papers you will see a report of me lying in the streets dead drunk...haha. It crossed my mind that I should do that...to get myself dead drunk and become numb so I can forget those unpleasant thoughts.
I don't know how long this wound will take to heal I hope soon because I don't want to be weak and let others have a chance to attack me. It's the survival of the fittest in this society. I may be knocked off balance for now but I am climbing back up already. I still feel vexed and I still cannot get rid of the feeling that there's a breath caught in my throat that I can neither swallow or expel out. I hope I can get some wise advice about how to handle this anger. I don't want it to consume me. I hope I can forgive and forget but I probably need more time. I don't know how long but I am already working on the path to gain my faith in humans and confidence in people. Wish me luck.
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